For Nemy

Hi Nemy - I took this picture for you, with Nicole from TVO the Space (or Enviro Girl). She was here giving us workshops on presentation and delivery and general performance issues. My performance issue is that I unfortunatey walk around with a Renee Zelleweger just-sucked-a-lemon purse on my lips at all times. Why didn't any of you tell me?

Directorial debut

Sorry kids, no pictures. Today we went downtown and staged a fake campaign promoting urban forests. I was the director, but a rather impotent one, Im afraid. It was difficult to communicate to the camera man the shots I wanted, even more, knowing what shots I wanted. I think it was sucessful, and now I have a long night ahead editing it into some sort of movie.

Will post more footage. I can see now, quite clearly that I am a behind the scenes girl - I thought for sure I would be jealous of the people on screen, but I'm not. I'd much rather be in charge.

The hoodoos

Finally made it to the hoodoos. Problem was, I didn't realize that you couldn't get down to the hoodoos from the trail. So I sailed right past them, and kept going. And going. And going. Until I realized that I had been running for 20 minutes past the hoodoos.

So I turned around, went back to the lookout, and looked at them for awhile. Then I hobbled the 5 K back to the centre, tired and hypoglycemic.

But happy. No matter how tired, hungry, dishevelled I might find myself, if I am in the mountains on a trail, I am happy.

Tunnel Mountain

Another day another hike. Unfortunately, there are a limited number (2, really) that are accessible from the centre. I won't be getting into the alpine on this trip.

Today, for the first time, I don't have to be in until 10am. They are assessing our first writing piece - I wrote about quantum cryptography. Yes, precisely.

I went for a dip in the bow river yesterday - while it was chilly, Kootenay is not a heck of a lot different.

I feel very frustrated because I can sense that this course an opportunity to drastically alter my course, if I want to. This business is all about connections, and here are mine. Had this course come one year ago, I know for sure that I would be leaving academia and pursuing writing full time.

But now....all these plans and the security of this plush academic environment, I'm not sure what to do.

To the Hoodoos

I didn't quite make it to the hoodoos yesterday - a bit far for my morning run. As you can see, these runs are trancendental. Actually run is a bit of a stretch. Run/walk is more like it both because of the atmosphere but also because of the vistas. I dont want to go too quickly.
Perhaps the only bad thing about being here is being so close to this landscape and yet alienated from it. We might as well be in a basement in Toronto. Actually, Im surprised we haven't exploited the natural landscape, yet.
So far: 1 coyote, a deer and two fat voles. I only wish my girls were here with me. I miss my girls.

I miss my girls.

I miss my girls.

Happy Birthday MJ

Happy Birthday, where ever you are! I hope you're having better luck than I am with your bday cake. Im trying to make Anemone's without the aid of an oven or ANY cooking utensils. Grim.

Anemone reminds me so much of you sometimes - her fearless, relentlessly fun seeking self.

Last week , and have I mentioned Im not ready to go dammit? Germany, I have not had my way with you yet.

It is scary how I respond to the culture. Jennifer's not keen on it - she finds them too dour and peevish. She'd like to see them crack a smile once in a century. I see what she means, but I get it. I, like them, think it's insipid to walk down the street grinning. Authenticity, to me, is everything. And Germans have no problem telling you when you are pissing them off; yet there is not consequence to these bitter little exchages. If people were as free to speak their minds in Canada, there would be a lot more physical altrications. Here, there is little consequence other than general peevishness. I find North Americans too ingenuine sometimes, ie, have a great day, and all that other smiley face b.s.

Im really not in a bad mood at all, contrary to the timbre of this posting.

Count down

I've started the lists. There are many. One is all the things I won't have time for in Berlin....I am already waxing nostaligic about this place...how it will go on, unpreturbed, by my departure. I am falling in love with this city . I wish I could live multiple lives at once.

This trip has been good for me, in many ways I've re/gained some confidence regarding my career. I can see now how one builds a research program. I can see how you don't need to be Einstein to do so.

I was up at 5 (AGAIN) with Artemis. It was a beautiful morning, so we went on a walk. The city is very quiet on Sundays, especially at 6 am. We found a park and played building water ways with sand. When she wanted me to sing hush little baby while she lay on a hammock, I decided it was time to walk home. She fell asleep, of course, 5 minutes from home, so I streched two blocks home into 30 minutes.

We (I) were absolute shattered by a trip to the beach yesterday. It was a beautiful day and the beach was packed with Berliners. We had a good time - especially Nemy who loved the huge inflatable slides. I took her out to the waterslide in the middle of the lake. Fun, but not a simple feat: we had to wait in line, and I had to hold her while treading water, then catch her while treading water, and haul her back in. Surprisingly little nudity here. Disappointed, naturally. I like to see the humanity of it all.

I feel so torn - I would love to stay here, I would. But I would miss my life in Canada, I know that too. Our lives are very different here. You are not focused on your house/your home. Life takes place mostly outside of the house. I think it would be an interesting study to compare cultures in how much time is spent at home. Europeans spend a lot of time out - eating, socializing. Canadians spend most of their time in their houses/yards. What does it say about the culture? I think we hunker down on our homesteads bc so recently we were alone on the frontier. No where to go, and more importantly, nature wild and scary bearing down on us from all directions.

This has been a very cognitive post.....can I prosleytize for a moment? My anxiety peaked a few weeks ago, not unrelated to the fact I had started drinking coffee here - it is so good (who knew?). It is insidious, caffeine is, and unless you stop completely you have no idea how incapacitating it is.

Sorry folks

Sorry, but I can't seem to keep up. And frankly, between qmj and jpotd, I feel little need to go on. I never wanted a stream of consciousness blog - but that's what I've got.

OK: Tonight the girls, Nem and Y are at a fussball game at Olympic Stadium. I declined, not big on 50 000 fussball fans, and Artemis and I went shopping instead. As usual, I only bought clothes for Nem at HandM. She goes through clothes like water. I cant keep up with her.

OUr trip is rapidly running out: J and A leave next Thursday, and I panic at the mere suggestion of it. I have overloaded myself at work; there's no way I'll be done in time. NOw that things are calmer, I'd really like to hold steady for awhile. I'm not ready to leave Berlin. I feel like I have more to do here. I have a sense that I will have a history with this place.

WOrking mostly f/t hours here. Why? Well, I can, I guess. Pedro tells me that in Portugal, most middle class families have domestic help in the form of cooking and cleaning. And in Germany, most middle class families have cleaners.

ANd after the last month or so of working FT hours, it is inconceivable that it could be otherwise....


Trying to decide on Playmobil for Nems bday. SHe looked at the catalogue then promptly wrote out a list of her favourites: all except the very most rough and tumble boy sets.

Barack is coming on Thursday. Would love to go see him, but honestly, these gargantuan crowds really kill things for me. I can't see myself waiting 3 hours in a crowd of 300 000 to see him, for all purposes, on a giant TV screen. What's the point?

A bit of advice:

A rainy day. Again! The girls and I were meant to go the Botanical Garden. But Nem was up at the crack of dawn to fetch April at the airport with Jennifer (I had no idea how much they love that girl). So we stayed home most of the day.
Y biked home in the rain. And let me tell you, he does not suffer physical discomfort lightly.

Advice: Melissa: I would love to bring a bike for Popsy, but with the luggage restrictions, I simply cannot. I do recommend them highly, and you can purchase them in CA at good bike stores, or on line at Ebay. They're called Laufrads. Not a brand name, but a type of bicycle.

Michael: I cannot emphasize enough the effect of caffeine in anxiety. I was never a huge consumer of caffeine, but even still, it wreaked havoc, pretty much with everything. I feel like a veil has lifted since I stopped.

Everyone: Do not attempt a shopping trip with two tired girls, one on scooter the other on bike. You will end up carrying all four, and it is not a pretty sight.

5 am

The usual routine is that Artemis wakes up around 430 for a little snack, then sleeps for an hour or so. Today she went back to bed at 430. Fifteen minutes later, the door slowly opened and a bicycle zoomed in. The kid is addicted to her bike. She's getting very good, and can now out do all of us on our walks (no more buggy!).

These early mornings,however, make for a long day. By the time I leave for work, Ive already been up for 5 hours.

The weather in Berlin has been uncooperative lately, cool and rainy. No more beach days.

Tomorrow April comes which will spice things up a bit. Especially since we're all sharing a bathroom!

Nemy is loving her blog and her scrap book. We are busy planning her 6th party: I think a picnic with friends in the park, maybe some soccer, and a cake. Can't make it unfortunately - no tools. I'll make one in Guelph. Im itching to exercise my culinary urges. I've been making do with very substandard fare. I'm also itching for popular culture. Realization: the illiterate cannot really consume popular culture. Give me a magazine, please! I can't remain too long in a country where Im so deaf and dumb....sure I can read books, but what I really miss is popular culture.

Im reading a diary of a woman from Berlin during the first two months of the Soviet invasion. It's all I can do to keep reading; I thought the war was bad enough. Saw pics of Berlin circa 1900 - it is unrecognizable in its splendor. The city was levelled by WW2. Im sure there were less than 10 buildings left standing.

Saturday and little istanbul ( no constantinopole)

I can compete with Melissa blogs for pure idyll. I give up. Girl, gimme some of your junk!!!

So I'll provide the gutteral, the desperate, the undone, the fetid, and sometimes slightly putrid.

Last night we took the train to the largest Turkish market outside of Istanbul. It was fantastic - and despite the deluge, I loved it. Hot breads from the tandoor ( I cant remember the mid east name), fist-sized figs, feta and olives everywhere....and the whole time crazy turks yelling at you - both the irate middle aged shoppers with their carts, and the jovial tendors - selling me a grocery bag full of cherries for 2 euros.


Sorry to disappoint the lot of you, but the Humboldt foundation funds research in Germany. A bit tricky. Don't see how it can work with Kelowna looming imminent....

Feeling strangely settled in Berlin again. I do love the city. And when Im in a simple, easy routine (not underground - how I hate subways!), and in bed by nine, Im a regular Polyanna! Oh but such a fine line - !


Forgot to write about Tobias - didn't I? I had my hair done (it was TIME, you know?) and had the pleasure of Tobias attending my frisur. He was young and had a practised lisp. He was very lovely, with soft black curls, and a black scoop necked shirt. He spoke heavily accented English, which was punctuated with Tschussi! every time a colleague passed by. He was a vision, and to his credit managed to fit 48 foils on a crown highlight alone. Surely, a record somewhere.

Domaene Dahlem Dorf with the girls

Sleep deprivation is directly related to mental instability. I have been sleeping when the girls sleep and am so much better for it. I was really strung out.
Today we took the bus(es) to a small, ancient farm near the university. We walked through the fields and saw the animals, and it was very low key and relaxed. However, Artemis was bitten by a wasp - she still wont let me look at it.

Now Nem and I are at home, figuring out what to do until Artemis wakes up. I miss these easy times with the girls!

So, to put a little twist in my knickers, yesterday I found out that I received my own Humboldt Fellowship. How do you like that?
Up to 18 months, 2700 Euro/month + 800 Euro/month research fees, plus spouse and child allowance, plus all our air fares and on and on and on......Its a lot of money. Plus life long association with the foundation with more support.

However, I applied for it thinking it would overlap with Ys. Problem is, requires 6 months residency, over a year (or two?).

Any how.

That's what I got.

Back home?

Berlin felt like the bosom of my long lost mother this evening - so rarely am I so glad to be anywhere.

Krakow knocked the stuffing out of us. I still can't quite figure out why it was so heinously horrific and demoralizing, but it was. We (I) were exhausted, depleted, polluted and frazzled. The pace was too hectic, the space was too small, and the food was too dodgy.

Poland, as a consequence (?), feels a bit depressing to me. I feel like I would be depressed to live there - it feels European, yes, but distinctly downtrodden, the poor relation. Germany, in contrast, is ultra new and modern. Unfair, and changing, surely. But still. THe buildings are all in such ill repair and layered in decades of filth. The trolleys look like they were chugging along before the war. There is little commerce. And the food is god awful - the antithesis of my palate: heavy, doughy, starchy and bland.

Today, on the way home, we stopped at a salt mine that has been operating since medieval times - we went down deep and walked for miles on salt.

I'm feeling lost and confused. Why am I dragging my girls all over hells half acre? Nem cries for Guelph daily.


Comment, dear readers! Connect me to the world. I feel like I've fallen down the rabbit hole.

Krakow

Polish is an insane language. It seems impossible that such a long string of consonants (primarily z, j and y) could possibly convey meaning.

Krakow is a very bustling tourist town. THe old centre/square is very beautiful, convivial, full of cafes, performers and visitors. Our apartment is on a a street almost on the town square, so it is very noisy, full of horse and carriages clip clopping all night long.

Poland feels distinctly different from W Europe. As we crossed the boarder from DL, the road suddenly buckled, and we bumped and bounced the next 500 k across Poland. What else feels different? I cannot put my finger on one thing only: the Stallinesque statues in the modern city, the dreary communist style buildings, the smell of smoke in the air (strangely asian), the bagels sold in little wooden carts at every street corner, the women wearing a uniform of sorts: every woman over 30 wears a long, asymmetrical, guazy skirt and slides. It defintitely feels more untouched, more homogeneous culture (nery a starbucks to be found).

JPII is the man of the hour/year/century/millenium. His face is everywhere.

The conference is quite dull. I may not be cut out for these gatherings - make pulling out all my body hair, one by one, more desirable pursuit than sitting through talks, making chit chat.

But, John, am starting to internalize your advice. I think the choices I have been making lately are not quite what Im up for lately. The girls are up until midnight each night, running wild through the town, up at 4. Im absoultely run ragged. I cant quite keep up the pace.

I want home for a rest.

Meatball sandwich

This is an example of what passes for swimwear in Berlin. Can you believe someone would wear this?

This is a photo of the girls after their swim.


Not a terribly eventful day, and not so stressful. Connection?

Work, subsampling soil, rewriting a paper. Mealoaf sandwich for lunch (who am I?).


These were taken at the Pride Parade the other day.


Nem irked quite a few Germans with her splashing (both girls did).



Everyone here is gaining weight. It makes no sense - we bike/walk everywhere, and must climb 4 flights of stairs to get to our apt several times a day.

Tomorrow we leave for Krakow, and I am excited to see E Europe. We're renting a car, and have booked an apartment (why on earth do people ever stay in hotels anymore?)

More, later, from Poland.

Day of rest

It was not. A day of rest.

It was a crazy day, that is only now winding down (for me and Artemis at least). Today we went to the local park and Artemis is learning to ride her baby bike. Kids here learn to ride 2 wheeler bikes w/o pedals, they balance and push themselves with their feet. So they skip the tricycle/training wheel stage. I t makes such sense, and she is starting to get it. She came up to me at the park today, "I want a croissant". Atta girl.

Nemnuts is out late again, watching the final. There is no noise at all - Germany must be losing. We went out this afternoon to Brandenburg, but at 4 pm it was already so crowded and rowdy that we left. We met Paula and Pedro and went to a pool near their house. Yianni and Jennifer went in in their underpants. We then went for pizza and watched the start of the game. Then A. and I took the subway home, alone (deserted, of course) - Everyone. EVERYONE is watching the game. She sang in her buggy the entire way. She is a song bird. When we got home, she said 'i sing the ice cream song." ok, what is it? "ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream..." then, "Ok, I sing the Artemis song, artemis artemis artemis artemis artemis..." And on and on and on.

Yesterday we went to the pride paraade, supposedly the largest in the world. I for one was disappointed. No extremely outlandish behaviours. Just bus after bus of half naked people dancing. There was an endless parade of people, but nothing too outre or shocking.

Gun shots? Something loud.

Forgot to blog about Grossbeeren. We went to a research centre on Friday for tours and a possible collaboration. Learned so many many things about the GDR, the transition, things that happened during the war. So many things that you don't even want to know. "There is an ugly part of our history that we don't like to talk about", he says, right off. During the war, the institute conducted research on prisoners.

And then this little town, former GDR, lost all of its farmers. After unification, none of the locals could afford to buy back their land; what hadn't been sold off surreptitiously in the days before unification to former Party members, went to foreign multinationals.



THe War! The War! It is everywhere, always! It will not slink mildly into the past. Good, or not?

Easy does it

I woke up this morning to fuzzy ear - tingly arm syndrome, ie imminent panic attack. Why? Who knows. So instead of my usual - run for the hills!! I stayed put. Well, I had to bc last night I stupidly put my new $150 Mizuno running shoes in the washing machine which then made minced meat out of them.
So I stayed home with my girls and we did nothing all morning and I was all the better for it. A leisurely bike ride to work, poked around a market, gelato, a bit of work, and that was a day. Maybe instead of trying to outrun my anxiety I should surrender to it? However, I might quickly become housebound.

Nem woke up late this am (930) as she was out past midnight. She woke bright and sparkly eyed - so enthralled with her experience last night. I will miss out no more - SUnday we will all go to Brandenburg Gate with 1000 000 other Germans to watch the cup. I only hope they win.

I love Anemone's sense of nationalism. She's fiercely German right now. Last year she was French, in a couple of weeks, she'll be canadian. No one would be killed in the name of nationalism running that shallow.

Melissa, your drive to work out is commendable. I am living in slow motion for the first time: ie, take it easy! Slow down! What's the rush? I get it. I finally get it. E/o passes me on the bike path, I actually stop for red lights. It takes me twice as long to get anywhere as it used to, but its so much more relaxed.

Big night

Two photos by Jenn - first of Artemis at the zoo, the next of Anemone after Church with Jenn, overcome with ecclesiastical ecstacy - she had to jump in the fountain.

And where am I, you might ask? i am dithering my life away - half conscious (by the grace of diet coke am I not completely torpid) 10 km away, rotting on a seat at the Freie University.

Today was a bit different, to be fair. Pedro and I went to an old agricultural station E of Berlin to collect samples for a project.

More reasons to love Berlin:

The city stops abruptly at its boundary. Nowhere ( not even Saskatoon) is there a more stark urban/rural transition.

The entire city smells like Tilia flowers. This is by far the best smelling city I know.

The bicycle lanes. There are reserved lanes, in red brick, on the sidewalks just for bicycles. Meaning you have an uniterrupted, safe, stress free ride through even the very centre of this city. It is like flying. I love it.

The city is wild tonight. Germany vs Turkey and all I hear are firecrackers and shouts. Must be Turkey's ahead. Anemone is out with Y and J watching the game at a pub with Pedro and Matthias. She has made a sign for the occasion - completely on her own, "gehen deutschland". She keeps the english/deutsch dictionary close at hand, at all times for such occasions.

Mush mouth

Evidence that I was German in a former life:

I feel a strange familiarity in the streets of this city

I love the heffeweissen

The language isn't just run-on mush....I can pick out distinct words.


Today was another epic day - ran to Paula and Pedros house bc Anemone had her first sleepover. She did so well = she was excited and not at all weepy.

After, went shopping for our home schooling supplies. Then home, and Y and I went out for supper. We walked around East Berlin, past the DOM, past all the East German big, square buildings. We took the train home and had supper at Nik's restaurant in our neighbourhood. I love the trains. They are so modern, so efficient. I feel truly part of human culture on these trains. Or at least part of a movie set.

This city is still great. On my run this morning...I can run for so long because everything is new, so novel that I am distracted the whole time. Of course you can become hideously lost because the streets are not on a grid, and veer off on wild tangents. However, that is all part of the excitement.

Now it is almost 10 and i just had an espresso. I am also in love with these strong, dark little coffees after meals. They are very satisfying. Lets hope I sleep tonight.

You'd think I was on some serious drugs - I mean more serious than the ones I am on - in fact I am fit to be tied about the sorry state of my so called career. It is stuck, knee deep in plaster of paris, half cast. Why can't I get moving?

European Cup in full force. It dominates everything here. Next week is Germany vs Turkey - 1000000 at the Brandenburg gate. I have to tell you I think I am too nervous to go.

Im hiding in the bedroom bc the girls are incapable of eating if they sense Im in the apartment.

Today we went shopping bc Artemis has already outgrown this season's sandals. Unfortunately shoes for kids are outrageously expensive...I did pretty well spending 35 Euros...

The girls get very silly, I think we might need more structure: after a morning in the park/on the town, we come back to the apartment which is nice, but not set up for kids: no books, no toys, no videos....

Yianni is in the dining room threatening hell or high water if they dont settle down and eat....


I dont have much to say today.....I think blogging on a regular basis when its such an extended trip becomes a bit dull...

Back to work?

This picture was taken a few days ago, up the Funkstrum.

Writing from my new office. Today we biked in to work (and felt so much more like we lived here - I love my bike). Y gave a seminar, then we went to lunch, had espresso, had a cake and champagne with his lab, and now it's almost 3 and no work has been done yet. I like Germans, they are so much more social and convivial than NA's. We really are stick in the muds.

Yesterday was insanity - we went to some flea markets to buy bikes, ended up meeting the Rilligs and the Powells for lunch - while kids played on the street - then raced home with bikes and buggy on the trains, subway broke down, and were late for meeting Paula et al. for supper.

We're in big doggy doo with our neighbours. THey held an intervention yesterday. Apparently, we (kinders) are too loud, the whole apartment is shaking from 6 am on. I guess children in Germany are much quieter, don't jump around like oraguntans. So our life has turned into, shh, walk, shh, walk, shhhh, walk. Artemis looks so ridiculous trying to walk down the hallways - it is so unnatural for her.

Spending more time in E Berlin. Everything is NEW NEW NEW here - so strange. The shadow of the war follows you all day, every day. I cannot believe W Berlin was a tiny island in the middle of E Germany. Such insanity!

I strongly encourage visitors - this is a great city, and we have a great place. As of early Aug, we will have an empty bedroom as Jenn and April are off on their trip to Italy.

Fait accompli

Today it is a beautiful morning, and I went for a run through the leafy ,green streets, still sleepy on a Saturday morning. Ran through a flea market, past the bakeries. There is such a strong drive for me to live in Europe at some point. Maybe my ancestral memories? It feels more right somehow.

But everything seems better now that things are sorted.

The girls are CRABBY. Wow. Their default mood is complaint.

Today is not rainy, but still a bit chilly. We are going to try to find cheap bikes, bc a subway pass is 70Euro a month, and takes longer than biking. THere's a fantastic grocery cart that you attach to your bike that I have my eyes on....I am going to become crazy cycling woman when I get back to canada.

Schloss Charlottenburg

Today the girls and I went to Scholss Charlottenberg - a palace and grounds within the city. It was beautiful, and we walked through the forest, played at the park. The bus system is very good here, and I much prefer it to the underground - I hate subways in general, I feel too claustrophobic.

Today there was a big game (Euro cup) and the germans were draped in flags and red fuzzy blankets as they watched the game from outdoor cafes.

We went for supper at a dismal Italian place and the girls were wild. They are completely out of control and our mealtimes are agony.

Tomorrow, Jennifer arrives (hip hip hooray!) - I think she might regret coming once she sees the wild, crazed look in our eyes, and the way we glom on to her at the airport. Alternatively, she may be relieved to see us with our suit cases as we wave "caio!" and deposit the little monsters in her charge as we take off for Greece.....


(just kidding Jennifer, we're not going to Greece. Yet).

Showdown on the B-bahn

We had a big melt down on the bus today. I attribute it to Y. drinking his heffeweissen (and mine!) too fast. He freaked when the driver asked for our tickets and it quickly escalated. We had gone down to the big, central park for a walk before supper. I like being a foreigner. What little propriety/inhibitions I had before go out the window. Danke! Guten tag!

Today the girls and I went to the Funkstum...a radio tower that looks like a mini Eiffel tower. IT was a long slog, and not really worth the effort - but they're troopers, those two. And the promise of an ice cream treat (a BumBum is the current favourite) and the park are enough to motivate them for now.

I asked Y to come home early today (aha....I'm starting to understand his knicker knots now...) because I have been off work more than a week and wanted to get something done (revolutionary idea, i know). SO I holed up in SB (only place that takes MC and I had no cash) and tried to map out the summer. I must say, not much time for science.

Berlin is the most de-centralized city I've ever been to...there is no centre. Just a collection of neighbourhoods that feel like small towns.

Must learn more German: in a public toilet the other day, pulled the emergency cord instead of the flush. Entire restaurant came barrelling down the stairs!

(note: red buttons usually connote some sort of safety/security/emergency system)

Fatigue and scooters

My sleepless weeks have caught up with me today - could barely drag my corpse around the neighbourhood. Took girls to a park where they proceeded to excavate a giant lake. Ended with Artemis screaming "yucky yucky" because she had eaten sand. THe park was full of children, and they all wore socks with sandals - !

Nemy got her 2 wheel scooter. Jamina has one and it was pretty inevitable that she would, too. All these european kids and their scooters!

Heres why I like Germany:
-everyone, EVERYONE, bikes. No one owns a car
-people are not quite so rigidly stylish as in Paris
-they make great fruit flavoured buttermilk
-fresh cherries are superb


Here's what I dont:

The bread tastes great, but man, Im still working on some I had two days ago. That stuff is solid!


Im sure I'll come up with something else...but Im very tired tonight.

kurfurstendam strasse

Today it was just me and the girls. We live right next to a very big shopping district so we headed off for a look. Of course being Europe, can't afford a thing. And of course, all I look at are kids things. The Playmobil selection is pretty damn good. Girls don't like shopping much, so we stopped for weiners (what else?).

Artemis is getting a cold so we spent the afternoon at home. I went shopping when Y came home and our local grocery store is ABYSMAL, not so much if you like canned weiners.

Not yet.

The produce is fantastic. Local strawberries, apricots, asparagus. But you must buy at the little fruit vendors, not the grocery stores.

Yesterday was Vera's second birthday, so we went to Paula and Pedros. They had a wide assortment of expat friends, and it reminded me of living in Massachusettes, how open to friendsihp and socializing the dispossessed are. Another check for the expat life style - so many friends, and intimates too.

So Melissa what would you do with such limited exercise options? I surrender: walking, maybe the occassional run, but through a caucophany of traffic, its not so great, and ? Two months, I'll fall apart and roll back to Canada on my beer gut, but god help me, I won't care (that's the beer talking).

Decided tonight will take a 4 week course at the Goethe institute starting on July 1. I have always wanted to speak German, and this is it....my big opportunity. Dad, do you have any rudimentary pathways still firing? Who will I speak with?

Tomorrow the zoo? Checkpoint Charlie? THe needle? Curry wurst - a local specialty. Must try that.

Euro cup again tonight and the neighbours are rowdy. Germany isn't even playing.

Yes of course Henry, my Euros are your Euros. And sorry, brought the wrong cord to download pics. Four days in, my camera is already full. What'll I do?

June 7

Not very original titles, I know. And sorry, no pics. But Im knackered. Too knackered to download photos. And besides, Nemy is the only one smart enough to take pics ( mind you their all of Jamina and Benjamin on the train, anyway).

Today we got up early to go to the Rilligs for breakfast. They live in a beautiful apartment - these places are huge and bright and beautiful. We then went to..? I dont know the name of anything....a huge forest in the south of berlin. It was beatiful, surrounded by gigantic houses that looked straight out of a german fairy tale. We stopped for lunch (weiners, sauerkraut and beer of course) and the kids played themselves senseless, as Berlin, like the rest of Europe it seems, knows how to do parks, and do them all over the place. The girls come home at night covered in filth.

Germans are fanatical about pingpong. There are stone tables set up in all the parks and people (everyone) carries around their own paddles and balls for impromptu games.

Reconsidering taking a language course. I would love to learn German. Might take a short course in July.

Not much else to report as we spent the whole day wandering around with the Rilligs, and being witness to the gigantic love affair Y and Matthias are having. So rarely do you see people so thoroughly enjoying the same pathetically base sense of humor.

Berlin has to be one of the worlds most livable, giant cities. It seems very easy here, and there doesnt seem to be any of the horrific poverty one sees in North American/other European big cities.

June 6

Good gracious, even blogger.com is in German, how did that happen?

Today we took the subway/train to ? I let y. be my guide so I didn't pay too much attention. A big station north of the centre, by the Reich....sumthin sumthin sumthin.

Basically the bombed out seat of government by the Tiergarten and Brandenburg Gate, which we also saw. We decided (I, I decided) to walk back to the apartment, and three hours later, we were there!

Our apartment is huge and lovely, your standard European issue that I love: 12 foot ceilings, huge windows, wood floors and white walls. I love that asthetic. Lovely courtyard, front and back. It seems bigger than our house in Guelph.

The girls are having a good time (other than bed time) and Nemy has decided that she is in love with Artemisia- they have been best buddies ever since we arrived.

However, little Artemis was a handful on the plane, ran circles until she was hysterical then writhed and screamed. It didnt help that they had us sitting apart - begging strangers to let us sit together, nor that we were directly under the tell so that lights were flashing in their faces all night. We missed the flight in Dusseldorf, and so hung out there for a bit, with nemy on 1 hour of sleep, the rest of us on naught.

Artemis is still crying, unable to sleep. Is it worth it?

Berlin feels different than other European cities. Very spread out, no discernable centre, no big buildings and lots of trees. Buildings are all new, streets are wide. Slim on the cafe/restaurant front, but could be our route today.

The beer though is fantastic. I think it is the world's perfect beverage. Its like the wine in France: you cannot get a bad bottle.

The last time I saw deutschland

The last time I saw deutschland, Nemnuts was still my tiny forest creature...she was such a monkey! Today I went to African Lion Safari with Maternelle, Jardin, 1eme annee....It was intense. The din, my god, the din on the bus. How do teachers stand it all day? It was an exercise in behavioural control - sit down, stand up, dont do that.....Im not built for that kind of stress.

And what kind of stress am I built for?
The very most familiar and mundane: should my toiletries match? How much organic should I buy? Should I do route 1 or 2 on my run this morning?

So, until then....gutenacht.

For Sale

This little piece of global terrorism has finally pushed me over the edge. I have tried on countless occasions to start the f'er, resulting only in severe shoulder strain. I cannot start it. Add to that the god awful toxic sludge in consumes and burps throughout the neighbourhood and all over our shed...I've had it.

Someone, anyone, give me one reason to have a gas mower. It is so vile to me, that I feel dirty owning it. I have shame and loathing. Im not that person, so why is it there? Yianni, i dont think you understand how incompatible that machine is with the life I want to live. I cannot abide with it any longer.

For the second night in a row, Nemy was marched ruthlessly into the tub, washed aggressively, then put to bed without stories or a snack. Tonight, she refused to get in the car leaving Nadia's, she kept unbuckling and running recklessly throughout the neighbourhood. I know it does not make sense to withhold reading: how do I discipline her? All I do is threaten to take away priviliges. I have been lauding her every move, reinforcing good behaviour, to no avail. She is so needy right now, what am I doing wrong?

Cumulatively, my girls ate today: a sip or two of pink milk, half an orange segment, a bit of burrito shell, a few popcorn kernals, a spoon of white rice. Nemy had a small piece of icecream cake, but artemis, almost none.

Then today I almost lost Artemis because she ran out of Starbucks like a shot and into the traffic.

I think my mothering license is about to be revoked.

Conspicuous consumption

Here are my two entries in the Webkinz Olympics.

Up at four, here's a little tasting menu for you:

What will we have for supper tomorrow? Did I buy too much food? Skip exercise tomorrow, go to the gym on sunday and run on Monday. What will we have for supper on Sunday? WIll the girls go to the gym on sunday? I can't go to Banff. Why am I leaving Guelph? Im too tired. What will we have for supper tomorrow? If we eat the fish tonight, that leaves four more nights. How will I survive saturday without exercise? I ate too much.


I could go on and on ( and believe me I did). I think I'm putting this out there so that someone will see it and say dear god girl you need professional help. Check yourself into Homewood and put yourself out of that misery. Its a never ending reverie.

Nem is really out of sorts tonight. Practically chased her around the neighbourhood to get her in tonight - now she's floofing about in her room. I can't be on top of every little transgression, but I dont know how to discipline her.....

Ballet day

I always want to write at night, but I am practically comatose by the time the girls are in bed. Why is it they go to bed later (9) and are up earlier (520 today!) when Y is away? Add to that the no nap wonder, and I have a two year old getting by on 8.5 hours of sleep.

Finishing up at work today as I won't be back before we leave on Wednesday. My to do lists are scattered around on almost every surface. I feel strangely numb to all the events - which is good. Focus on here, now. Walking down to the river to see the gosslings, picking lettuce for supper tonight (I planted lettuce spinach and swiss chard practically in the snow in March - I now have a healthy crop and a delectable salad each night, thanks Jim).

I apologize to my readers (yes you, bip and bop). I wanted to have a food blog, especially a forum to experiment with microbes. But life got in the way.

Y is starting to perk up a bit in Berlin - he sounded so wan until he experienced how large the beers are. He had a heffeweissen and seems to be just fine.

But me, what the h***k will I eat over there?

Incommunicado

Yianni, are you out there? Do you even realize I have a blog? Call me!
After a whirling reverie in Kelowna, I need to talk with you - I am totally befuddled.

Here's what you've missed: Nemy found a huge beetle, we went to a dismal carnival in the parking lot at Zellers, I've started the girls on a high fructose corn syrup diet, and Artemis has transitioned out of naps.

Oh, and we have 19 web kinz now.

I feel torn between two realities. I am so different - depending on my back drop.

Here's the thing: when I landed in TO, deftly navigated Pearson, the 401, I drove through Guelph, parked in front of our house, and I thought: I am home.

Grind stone

This is the only picture I have of myself hard at work. And work I have been doing, non stop since I learned of my trip this Thursday. I have been a mole in a hole. A very big hole, the New Science Complex. Alone on a long weekend in a behemoth of a building, fretting and sweating, sweating and fretting.

And my frontal lobe - I can feel it. It feels fuzzy, a bit fluffy. I can feel it when I try to think. Im cognitively impaired right now; completely unable to make decisions. There are too many variables, too many potential outcomes.

What do I do? Can't do nothing -

And this talk, does anyone really care about mycorrhizas?

Blueberry parfait by Anemone

Sorry for the slap-dash post, but I needed something, anything, to get the octopus picture off the dashboard. Yeeggsh.

My anxiety is about to crest - and the house is falling apart. Anemone is wild lately: she is so ultra sensitive, beligerent. I don't know how to approach her. She is an bottomless pit for my affections. Why is she feeling so vulnerable? Each day something upsetting happens to her at school. And she's been hobbling around because her legs ache. ??

I wonder what to do. There is a lot of crying in the house lately. And Y becomes so fit as to be tied by all the goings on.

Maybe this is all too much for us? To be quite frank, Im not overly enthusiasic about Berlin. I feel a bit blah about the whole ordeal, as though I don't quite have the energy for it. For the record, it was not my idea. Rather, Y's insistance that he needed to apply for a Humbolt.

So - do I remain in Guelph alone with the girls? Is that better for us all?

I really don't know what to do. Although August looms heinous in the future...how do I manage it all?

You asked for it...

Well even if you didn't, here it is: octopus salad. Artemis freaked, Nemy cried - and well I lost my appetite. Im just not big on molluscs, no matter which way you slice it. Yianni enjoyed it, however. Good on him.

My afternoon of restorative yoga was all for naught: within 1/2 hour of returing home girls were crazed monkey maniacs - the histrionics lasted until bed time. The yoga, though, three hours passed surprising quickly. Which is unsurprising, actually, given the number of times I nodded off (two, three?).

And everything else fades away as we approach the final countdown to Berlin: new buggy (check), portable pharmacy (check), what else is there?

Why bother?

I'm changing. It's funny how it sneaks up on you. I no longer have the time for anything pastiche (if one can use that term in reference to food). Take these squares for example. Another one of my cockamamie attempts at "healthy" snack foods: ie, lots of wheat germ, ground nuts, agave nectar, etc. But, honestly, do you really want to eat this?

If you want something healthy that tastes good eat a freakin' apple!!!

I'm done with this kind of thing. If Im going to bake, damn it, it's going to be delectable.

To that end, if I'm going to cook, it damn well better taste good. Which explains my lack of productivity in the cuisine as of late. If I can't eat it raw (salad, fruit, bread, cheese, yogurt), no thanks.

However, since we are 14 days and counting to the land of wurst and weiners, I have got to move a lot of consumables. Take for instance the 6 baby octopus in the freezer down stairs.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Failure to deliver

I really should change the name of this - not only do I not write about food, I no longer experience food. Last night grilled cheese, tonight Wendy's. Honestly, with a raging sinus infection, it's all just spongy filler.

I don't even have any photos of the gruesome event I like to call supper. Lying suppine on the couch in a vegetative stupor does that to a person. Spending my time perusing other's food blogs. And I ask myself, why am I doing this? I don't really want to spend all my time thinking about food. Im not really a foodie. It eclipses any other pursuits - like a career, for example.

I'm hot on the trail of a burgeoning career in wine microbiology. May make a trip to the cool climate viticulture institute in St. Catherine's next week, providing I don't hear from, well, the traffic police.

Y is downtown educating the masses on soil fertility (??). The girls have just gone down. Nemy's reading blows me down....she is reading at at least a grade 3 level. Tonight, she read me a Mercer Meyer, and then tucked herself into bed with a picture-free Disney book.

To bed, to bed...

BTW, deadheads, where are you? I was off b/c of severe gastritis...what's your excuse?

A birthday, a move and sejour in limbo

My baby turned 2 this weekend. She had a hopping party with friends and seemed to thoroughly enjoy the festivities. Her sister, however, is highly strung. I sympathise, suffering from overstimulation-itis myself. My baby is no longer that. Her balloon floated out the back door yesterday. Now and then a puzzled expression passes through her face. "where did purple balloon go? To the sky? To the moon? Where is it?"

However, her most popular refrain is a loud, garrulous "Wha's zat?" About , well, everything. "Who's that? Whas zat?"


N and J moved this weekend - a drawn out affair that seemed surreal at times. Their new house though - I can see why they moved: bright, new, optimtistic...I am tired of old and dark.

So we drove up to Limbo last Saturday and parked in Purgatory. So far no traffic police have come by, asking us to move along. No, not yet......

10 days later and Herve This

Went to TO on Tuesday, ostensibly to see Herve This, but also to go out for a bit on my own.

Several problems: as departure loomed, could not see the point of going all that way, leaving my girls. Retreated into full panic attack mode. What is wrong with me? Have I not moved around the world alone, visited foreign countries unaccompanied? And yet leaving my girls for the afternoon - an abyss.

So inserted firecracker, and made it onto the bus. But in TO, once again victim of the 'where the s.s. is this place [Toronto the cosmopolitan]'. I miss the mark so often in TO. Dundas square for example. Where the s.s. is Dundas square?? I've walked loops around down town TO. How have I missed it?

I'm sure TO is a vibrant city crackling with excitment. I always find myself walking down endless streets of office buildings punctuated by pawn shops, drug stores, and restaruants catering to the office workers.

Of course Im too nervous to eat all day long. Scrurry along in the shadows until I find a Starbucks (honestly, without SB I would probably die of thirst or hunger - Im far too nervous to stop anywhere else these days).

However, survived long enough to see the esteemed Prof. This. He was your anti-academic, so of course I loved him. He was funny, he was vain, he was a ham....He inspired me not so much by the results of his labour, but by how he was able to pioneer this somewhat spurrious academic discipline into an international phenomenon, that still retains acceptance from the scientific community. And it all started so simply: refute old wives tales in cooking, invent cool new recipes, bring science to the kitchen.

I think molecular gastronomy is interesting, but it is not me. Fundamentally,he believes that nature can be improved upon. And that, to me, is blasphemy.

Earthday Birthday

Made turkey cutlets with proscuitto and caper sauce the other day. Make that chicken cutlet with porcetta and caper sauce.



It was very good and even Artemis, the no-eat wonder liked it. It was from this month's gourmet - the first of many.


It is my birthday, and I am sitting here writing silently lest I wake the sick one. Nem is sleeping beside me on the couch, Artemis in her crib. The weather is beautiful and I'm itching to go to run to be outside, but my girls are too sick.

I feel much too young to be 35. Does everyone feel that way? Does everyone have an age with which they identify most strongly? I think Im either 14 or 23. I don't think everyone would pick those ages - some people might want more control, more responsibility.

Not me.

I'm not feeling particularly contemplative this birthday. I woke up remembering that exactly 10 years ago I had my very first panic attack. I had been skiing all day at Sunshine, and gotten dehydrated. I ended up in the hospital in Calgary, where they gave me Demorol to subdue my frantic attempts to rip out my IV. Ah, bliss. I could sleep on an ice cube in a rat infested prison and be positively cosy, given enough demorol.

So no big shenanigans are planned for today, poor me. Nemy is moaning in her sleep beside me, poor doll. Im chugging acidophilus to outcompete any of her little stinkers. Why don't humans take phage as an antibiotic? Doesnt that seem totally the next step in antibiotics?



I tried Miege's bread again, but the middle was dough. I give up. I cannot bake bread to save my life right now.

Miege's Bread

I swear Im going to give up baking. This was supposedly an easy day - an instant yeast bread whipped up last minute for a picnic later in the afternoon. Firstly, I run out of parchment, and foolishly used wax paper in place. Don't ever do this. It fuses with the bread and cannot be separated. Fine, so I cut off the bottom crust and it was OK. The second loaf sat out over night and I woke in the morning to find a mouse had neatly chewed a hole inside. I half expected to find him/her, but there was nothing but crumbs. I was somewhat annoyed that Y. didn't want to eat it after that ( all my hard work, yadda yadda yadda).






As fine as this was, I cannot handle commercial yeast any more. The flavour and texture just aren't satisfying.

I am at a loss of things to report as I can simply not compete with QueenMJ's posting today.

1)Start dressing better.
2)Bathe daily
3)Attempt makeup
4)Consider non-surgical cosmetic procedures


This too, after an evening where I was subjugated to Michael Ondataadje's daughter this, and Timothy Taylor that


And man, do I ever feel like a big zero.

As I walked out one morning.....walking down Norwich street

Anemone and I were looking out the window this morning, looking down Norwich Street. It was around 9am, she was late but we were in no hurry.

Around the same time, we both saw a large goose walking up the hill towards us. Strange. The goose was high stepping. Rather daintily. Stranger.

The goose had a waddle.

The goose was a wild turkey!

It walked right up the hill, jumped onto our side walk and deeked into the neighbours yard. I ran out in my stockings, Artemis screaming bloody murder, and all I got was this shot.

Not an Ivory Billed Woodpecker, no, but close.

Pursuits are for the childless

Well the weekend is almost done and there is no menu to report...in fact as I write this I have a chatterbox at my side, talking a mile a minute, trying to engage me in a multitude of conversations despite my attempts to disdain. In fact, she is reading as I write, looking for an opportunity to contribute. The kid is amphetamines in tights.

The point being I cannot get anything done around here!!!!!!!!!!!

So forget about cooking. Photographing? The menu this weekend:

Friday night - cottage cheese and melon
Saturday night - Wendy's
Sunday night - God help us all.


I did manage to peruse the new Gourmet and have highlighted at least 10 recipes, and booked my ticket to Italy.

She is now perched beside me, enthusiastically savouring her minkies. I gotta go.

Baching it

It is 930, and the girls have only just gone down. They were crazed tonight - neither of them could sleep at all so I let them stay up in my bed and we read stories, though I was JUNKSING for some down time.

Today was an odd day...so hazy, cold grey sky. Jennifer had to finish a paper so I came home at lunch. How much should I reveal in this blog? I felt this afternoon like my neural network was suffering - I wanted a hit of sugar, directly to the brain, a shot of pure, unadultered caffeine to jolt me out of my stupor. When I look at my life, I think most of my adulthood has been spent in a painful, fuzzy state. How do I break out?

Reading Alice Water's biography and what impresses me most is her confidence, her drive, her action. She was completely untrained, unprepared, and yet she ploughed through. Where does one find that energy? That drive? I've been chasing it, salivating over it since I was a kid. I am finding the writing a bit rough, though. DId anyone else find they were distracted by poor writing/editing?

I think I would do well to be more of a perfectionist. Alice would toss anything that wasn't perfect. The slap-dash mishaps and leftovers I pawn off on people.....

Kotopitta me feta

Two days after the fact. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood for a party. Y's lab and the visiting speaker. Fortunately it was nice, so we sat on the deck for awhile. The pitta was good, I think, I never had any.

The creme fraiche - well that was so good that there isn't a photo of it. It disappeared. I was a bit hesitant to serve it (with strawberries and brown sugar) as I couldnt guarantee all my guests wouldnt get sick.

I tried to talk ecology, but unfortunately all I could ask were questions about the usefulness of our work, i.e. what's the point of it all ? Not a really fire burner of a conversation in a room full of ecologists.

Met with the director of research at Food Tech Centre - a Cyrpriot who is fiercly loyal - to his roots (ethnically Greek of course) and alma matter (he and Y shared a supervisor). He was good to talk to and encouraged my line of thinking - I think there may well be a wide open playing field. And so I am now attempting to set up a collaboration with the cheese guy on campus - I can always switch to wine in the Okanagan.

And yet all of these are vapours - what Im left with is the reality of the quotidien. Go to work. Re-edit that paper. Make supper. Go to bed. Will it ever really coallesce? Is change possible without drugs? Are we destined to plod ahead in the same path, despite our highest hopes and best intentions? When I was 11, Theresa imparted the axiom "the more things change the more they stay the same." Is that true?

I hope not. We were on a walk down Cambridge street - actually the street perpendicular to Cambrigde -the one closest to the hill, going down town. I was fretting about some impending change: was it dad leaving? Melissa going? Move to Dundee? I don't remember.

But here I am, still fretting about change.

Banana Choco Muffins and no cheese course

I made these yesterday, actually. They are Nancy's (as in Silverton) and great (as in everything she does). Delivered a plate next door to Shirley and they were gone before the transaction was complete. Was delighted to see that she has a handsome, fawn chihuahua. Oh! My goodness! That's Pepito!! You wouldn't recognize the beefy, little stud!

I tried to get into the Cheese course and it is full. My disappointment surprised me. Now Im convinced that I must make cheese.

And what else? A supper tomorrow for Brendan Bohannan - Greek, of course. What else do I make these days? What else is there to want? Will post the results tomorrow (or the next day depending on my level of fatigue).

Sleep. Must sleep.

End of culinology and paneer

Culinology ended with a bang: a molecular gastronomy demo. It was fantastic: lychee 'caviar', carbonated strawberries, 'doughnut' ice cream, citrus snow, lime foam on dessicated strawberries. This, and the news that Herve This will be in TO this month....There with bells on. (He created the discipline of Molecular Gastronomy).

And so this weekend, a little gastronomy of my own. My first attempt at homemade cheese.



Making fresh cheese is easy enough, provided you actually follow some procedure. You can see here I am heating the milk. Unfortunately, I didn't leave it long enough for the protein to adequately denature. So, when I added my acid, I kept adding and adding and adding with no palpable curds. Eventually I saw microscopic curds, so I stopped and strained.



The resulting paneer was very good, almost feta but not as salty. However, in the future, denature your proteins!


I suppose I should have a photo of the saag panner that this was made for, but we ate it all! I would suggest making your own paneer...it is terribly easy and very good. As for aged cheese, wait until I've taken my five day cheese making course. I'm addicted to these courses.

I cannot compete, however, with Melissa's joie de vivre. Girl what are you ON? It's certainly not my junk - can I have some too? You are so frisky and full of life....I feel downright invertebrate in contrast....

Theresa, I'm going to Colborne Lane for my B-day supper. Care to fly down and join me for Claudio's tasting menu???

Culinology Day 2

Today we learned about protein, gums, emulsifiers, and additives. You could tell the timbre of the room, when the gums talk was over, the heretofore mum crowd was clamouring with questions. Goes to show you what the food industry is all about: fillers.

Processed food is an elaborate, highly choreographed dance with chemicals. Tread carefully.

My buddy in the course is Hans, a retired food scientist from Pennsylvania. He is Woody Allen if he had worked for Kraft instead. He's got a New York twang, and an anecdote for every iconic processed food from the past 35 years. Infact, he developed not only Tang and Popping Rocks, but Fruity Pebbles, too.

Yet another grant was rejected for my research program. I'm trying to continue, but on what?

Culinology I

Today was my first day as a student again. At the end of the day there was a quiz. I raced through it, slammed down my pencil, and then looked triumphantly around to see who else was done. I love being a student. Everything is just so damn clear.

The course itself is no epiphany. It is science for non scientists. You'd be surprised at how much organic chemistry is retained 15 years later. So I dominate the class with my incessant questions...tyring to get answers to things Im genuinely interested in but the class is skirting around. Such as, what exactly is stevia? Whats the difference between hydrogenated and trans fats? What artificial sweetener is the most dangerous? That kind of thing. So I guess I am learning a bit. (Trans fats bad, hydrogenated fats not so much; aspartame not so bad; Splenda scary stuff).

The class is a somewhat inert bunch of research chefs employed for major corporations (I.e, Campells, Heinz) and they are mostly American.

And you may ask yourself: well, how did I get here?

Kotopoulo Yiaourtava

Have not done justice to Diane Konchilas since Pitsa has been here. This chicken in yogurt was quite good, though I would have browned the chicken first, and added lemon juice/peel to the yogurt sauce.

Tonight it is windy and the sky is spitting hard, little ice pellets. Yianni is in Kelowna. It is 10 pm and I just got Anemone in bed (I think I might have to tie her down). I, similarly, cannot sleep. I am afraid that shrink may have a point: I feel downright manic. Not to be confused with elated, or high. I feel my thoughts are rushed, circular, out of control . Things are too fast, too confusing. My driving is bad. I'm spending too much money at grocery stores and Shoppers Drug Mart. It is 10:30 - I've been up forever and will not be able to sleep for hours.....It feels dangerous.

Does everybody feel that they need to achieve some sort of status through their career? Some level of recognition? Does everyone feel like they have a responsibility to contribute to society, to culture to the planet? Does faffing about with bread microbes amount to any sort of contribution?
Does writing bad prose?

Does picking fluff out of your navel?

How about I set my bar for basic hygeine, and go from there.

Now, about that fluff.....

Inpendence Day, Greek Style

I feel awkward blogging without a recipe, a photo. Naked, actually. In fact I have been cooking nonstop, nonstop I tell you. Never ending parade of meals and snacks and breads and cookies. How did I get sucked into this relentless vortex? But sometimes it is just too crazy to stop and get your camera, then at night download photos, when you are just too weary to do anything but lie prostrate on your mattress.

Today we went to the Danforth. The Greeks were celebrating independence from Turkey with a truly unremarkable parade in the biting cold. Felt sorry for those boys in their pleated white skirts and tights - shivering as they shuffled down the street. Jack Layton was there in finest of form, looking like he just stepped off the boat from Sparti.

We went for lunch at a cute little counter that sold only pittas - spanikopita, tyropita, kretopita.....I was the only non greek there. After, we went and spent god knows what on Greek cheese - feta, kefaloteri, graviera, manouri (?)...

Pitsa is still here - I don't know where she gets her energy. She is always up for something with the girls, a song, a book, a game. Meanwhile, Im sending down roots on this mattress ( I am lying down, of course. Have I mentioned I'm tired?)

Multigrain Rye

Feeling a bit thwarted artistically, hence the moody-bread shot. This bread was good, but I'm not crazy about Rye flour...very sticky, a bit heavy. I don't really see the point of it. It was easy, though. A 12 hour sponge, followed by a simple 2 hour room temp ferment, then 1 hour rise.

I'm predicting a palpable shift/cessation in these blogs once the weather (if the weather...) turns. I'm starting to get tired of cooking cooking cooking. But I have a marathon, studied list of meals for the duration of Pitsa's visit...maybe I should catalogue these, here. I have no pictures, but today we had capricosa spring salad with a basil emulsion, and fresh halibut.

Today Artemis and I went grocery shopping while Y and A picked Yiayia up at the airport. I loaded the buggy so full of groceries that it kept flipping backwards. Had to push it home, while pushing it up. Poor Artemis almost was launched into the atmosphere. Her favourite thing now is to sing Happy Birthday. I'll hear her singing to herself, substituting various names: Jen, Evan.... She also likes to say actually, as in, "actually, yes [I would like some soup]" or "actually no [I don't have a poo poo]".

Down and out

The terrible gastro-bug has us all in a vice. As a result I cannot look at food - so here is an opportunity to post a photo of the power bars that are so fantastic.

My girls are both unwell - fevers, stomach, and very lethargic. It's been several days and I'm worried about them. I was sick so sick last night, but am recovering rightly.

Desperate for spring. Just desperate. The mountains of snow are caving in - I am suffocating. Or maybe, its just the bipolar?

On a lighter note, here are the two model sisters, giving me their best poses.

Potato dill bread - or what to do with patates lemonata that no one ate even though they were perfect

OK so here is a picture from my front window and


one from my back door. Whipped cream nation. Sidewalks are sliced through 50 cm of fluff. Everything sparkles as though sprinkled with diamonds. Breathtaking. For January.

So though the world is thinking of spring, I'm still deeply entrenched in winter pursuits, i.e. baking baking baking.

Today we have, and I'm not exaggerating, probably my best loaf ever (what fun is a hobby if you don't enjoy the fruits?).



Potato dill bread- it had a dense, but light crumb which was very moist.



While it had a complex flavour there was not a hint of sourness. This I attribute to my sped-up feeding schedule. I fed it three times a day for almost two days. By the time I used it (about 5 hours after last feeding) it was a frothing frenzy. That is the key Theresa, a very vigorous, well and regularly fed culture.

Now, still DEEPLY in winter, I have the latest LCBO mag (my favourite foodie mag along with Cooks Illustrated) and the latest Gourmet which is about my other fave, French bistro food.

Good lord - I know this is a food blog but I have got to start thinking about something else.

This just in:

I have just registered for a short course at the Guelph Food Technology Centre. Who knew we had a world-class food research centre across the street? Anyhow, will be taking Cuilinology - an international course sponsered by the Professional Research Chefs Association. Its a food science course for chefs!! What fun! It is three days - April 2-4. They also have cheese making courses and breads, too. I think I might take them all........

The secret to Kotopoulo psito lemonata and Imam bayaldi

The secret to lemon potatoes is.... chicken stock. Potatoes, olive oil, lemon juice, herbs, and chicken stock. And plenty of it. The resulting potatoes were moist, flavoured through, and perfect in every way. The chicken is incredibly tender, too, when you do this.






The secret to Imam bayaldi is....don't make too many. People are afraid of eggplant, even Greeks! I loved it, but no one else touched them, and now I have a good 1/2 dozen in the fridge, two days later.




The secret to happiness is....stop inviting people over and working like a Spartan! No, the real secret is to stimulate the economy by hiring someone to clean your house for you. Had I understood what my legacy, as a female, was to be....hell, I didn't even have a choice. But let it be known that NONE of the great thinkers, the great leaders, the great artists, were shackled by the quotidien, herculean effort of domestic chore.

I really never had a chance.

Girls, Artemis, Anemone, if you're reading this - rage rage against your fate.

Sunday brunch

This was taken on Saturday after a heady, steam afternoon of non stop cooking. Why does this happen every weekend?
I was trying to sort everthing out for Sunday, but it quickly overwhelmed: Pain au levain, chocolate beet cake, shepherd's pie, carrot cashew loaf, cheese bread.

Anyhow. That is in the past. This is what it looked like on Sunday at lunch.



Has anyone out there learned how to better manipulate photos on this thing? I feel I have very little artistic control. The pain au levain turned out well....a series of three days and multiple feeds of the dough, not the starter. I wished I'd photographed the seed, but I only have two photos of feedings, and the finished product (upper right in group photo)...



After one feeding....




After two feedings....

These definitely weren't worth posting. I am to be much more selective in the future, and use only the large photos.

The brunch went well.. the Pryces and the Baldwin/Seretti's. The girls played upstairs shrieking, Artemis orbited between the 'girlies' in the attic and the adults downstairs. And Evan slept through the whole event on my bed. We tried to convince N and J to keep their house and rent it. Nadia was thoughtful but noncommittal.

Spent 3 #$%^#@$%#@%$!^%@!^&*@%&^*#@ hours in the salon on Saturday. Please, there has got to be a better way!! I don't think I can handle it yet can't handle my own heavy-handed attempts at home hair colour. What is the solution to this? Does everyone LOATHE the salon experience as I do?

Feeling very restless -its March but fully winter still. Went on a walk through the forest at Homewood and sank up to my knees in snow.

The beet cake in the photo was very good...and it had 3 cups of pureed beets in it...only 1/2 c oil and 1 c. sugar, but had I more time I could whittle that out.

I think Im being too ambitious here. I can't possibly chronicle everything I cook. I must be more selective.